What’s better, canine or feline?

 

Lyrics below:

 

I’m a dog man

Ask me what’s my P.E.T.?

Straight pedigree

I’m down with the D.O.G.

Got love for ma puppy

Daily walkie

Fetch, Heel, Sit, Stay

Phat Rosary

Forget my wife’s infertility, it doesn’t bother me

Who needs a kid?

Seriously, I got ma dog therapy

And we’re a canine collective, brothers ’till the end

What’s it mean to me?

Everything, they’re man’s best friend

I hustle deals for ma dollar

But never on my own

Put my pups on protection

Then give a dog a bone

‘Cos it’s a dog’s life we’re living in

A dog eat dog land

Waggy tails, funky smells

But I got a lead in my hand, fool

I don’t give a woof about colour or breed

I’m a dog man, and a dog is what I need

 

But there ain’t nothing funkier than funky cat!

Bow wow, bow down now, ciao ciao!

You gotta withhold the woof and drop a funky meow

Right now

Because a feline is flipping fantastic

When they fall they land feet first

(Gymnastic!)

They got nine lives but they only need ONE

Cat nip, cat nap, getting fat in the sun

Sophistication: it’s a cat’s elected occupation

First procrastination, then assassination

Precision. Stealth. Teeny weeny glance.

Identify the target, mousey doesn’t stand a chance.

Bathtime’s hard times, but never with a kitty

Lick the paw, rub the face, forever sitting pretty

Clean paw, clean face, hygiene efficiency

Lights off, dilate pupils efficiently

It’s sure from the shores of Fiji to Haiti

There ain’t nothing better than a fluffy C.A.T.
Ladies and Gentlemen

Today we’ve got to define what’s better: canine or feline?

It’s gone be fine, breath deep and count slowly to nine

Then opine, on which animal is mo’ divine

 

“Urm, well cats look silly on a leash”

“I don’t waste food cos my dog loves quiche”

“My dogshh, Steve & Keith, alwaysh sneak off in the trees”

“I like to chill out with my dog and smoke hashish”

“When you come home from work your dog will lick your face

But a cat will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place”

“A dog’ll say hello, to a dog it doesn’t know 

With a quick lick down below, before it licks your face, yo”

“Dogs are annoying because they drool all over you and always need attention

I live on a farm and dogs are always coming here and pestering our livestock

They’re a pest, I hate dogs

They’re good for nothing unless you train them to be work dogs

And even then they’re a problem (we have two sheep dogs)”


Ladies and Gentlemen

The time has come now to define what’s better: canine or feline?

It’s gone be fine, breath deep and count slowly to nine

Then opine on which animal is mo’ divine?

What kind of cat have you got?

A ginger cat

And what’s your dog?

A simeon bermese daschhhound terrier cross breed

Word to my big dog

Westwood!

Word to my big cat

Bengal Leopard!

 

Take a look at yourselves

There’s benefits on both sides

Take a look at yourselves

You’re fighting like animals

There’s ups and downs

There’s wrongs and there’s rights

There’s pro’s and there’s cons

There’s right’s and there’s wrong’s

There’s rights and there’s rights

And there’s wrongs and there’s wrongs

 

Ladies and Gentlemen

We gathered here today to define what’s better: canine or feline?

They’re both fine, so this argument was rather benign

So now it’s time, to resign, and to finish this rhyme