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Lyrics
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We’re here to tell you bout a guy
Name of Alexander Steinberg
That’s his real name
No doubt
He’s built like a machine(berg)
“But guys!”
We hear you saying
“What’s so special bout this dude?!”
Well how about the fact
That ‘spite his name he ain’t even a Jew
No
He was born in Niger
That’s in AF-RI-CA!
He has a mother
And he likes to have a LAFF-WITH-HER!
She’s so CRAZY!
And you know she’s got the horn
Judging by the sexual festive decorations that adorn
His Christmas tree, each year!
Here’s a dude who might be queer!
It’s hard to say!
He says “No way!”
But things ain’t always just as they appear!
You know!
He likes music from the seventies,
And at a party he ain’t into doing pleasantries,
It’s in and out!
Judge you quick!
Like a fuckin’ lunatic!
You don’t debate, he’ll get irate
And then he’ll suck your fuckin’ dick!
But if you get a chance to show
You like to analyse inanity,
He’ll love you harder, better
Than an urchin loves a manatee!
Steinberg! You can call him Steinberg!
Because
His name is Steinberg!
That’s why we call him
Steinberg
This guy’s like George Costanza
‘Cept he’s got fuckloads of hair!
Yeah! You’ll find it in your cereal,
Your bed!
Your car!
Your everywhere!
He washes twice a week
But doesn’t even give a shit
If you step all up in his face,
He’ll be like, “Deal with it!”
Then he might punch you in the gut
Rip off your balls
Or eat your face
Or come around one day
And leave some dirty tissues at your place
Or nail clippings
Or some other radioactive toxic waste
Did I mention that he talks
Like “DJ Yoda: Cut and Paste”?
With umms and ahhs
And coughs and splutters
Starting arguments again
He is incredibly intelligent
But laughs like he’s in pain
He’ll double up!
He’ll gasp for air!
He’ll clutch his sides!
Probably scare
(-ing) any people passing by
Or adjacent in a cinema
They walk out petrified
Pack up
And straight out move to Panama!
Telephone his house,
You’d better ask for Alexander
You say Steinberg?
You’re just asking for some straight up crazy panda(monium)
Distaster!
Ultimate confusion!
He’s got brother Steinbergs
And a daddy
It’s some big illusion
So don’t ask us who he really is
Cuz no-one really knows
He’s just a guy with dirty clothes
Who’s pretty tight
But smells a little gross
YEAH! His name is Steinberg…
By Sam Baron
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